I recently worked with a client who had an unusual dislike of conducting business on the phone, which became especially intense when talking with someone she didn't know.
In an interesting coincidence, I struggle with the same situation. Email? In person? I'm fine striking up a conversation with someone I don't know. A phone call coming in from a number I don't recognize? I don't want to answer it, and I often feel awkward with my wording as I'm speaking.
Recently I stumbled upon a way to make these calls much, much easier. I thought I'd share my discovery in case there are others out there who struggle as my client and I do.
First I let new calls from unknown sources go to voice mail. I then prepare myself and call the person back. Immediately after I dial, I stand up and pace slowly while talking.
Keep your arms uncrossed and hands out of your pockets ("open" body language). If you pace then be sure to keep it slow; when I've paced too quickly I became out-of-breath and struggled to talk evenly. Feel free to gesture with your hands as if the person were in the room with you.
I can't explain why this works, I have no brilliant theories. All I know is that I feel less "trapped" when I talk to strangers on the phone this way, and my ability to find words, answer questions, and be flexible and nimble with my ideas are much improved when I stand, walk, and gesture while talking.
If you find these kinds of phone calls challenging then give this technique a try.
Thursday, June 19, 2014
Thursday, May 22, 2014
Professional networking: How to ask for an informational interview
I've noticed a big change with my clients regarding what works and what doesn't in terms of finding an excellent new job. From the beginning of the Great Recession in 2008 until now, the clients who embark on a serious professional networking project fare much better than those who rely only on reading and responding to job postings.
During the recession, I noticed clients with excellent skills and experience, solid work ethic, modern resumes using the right keywords, and great interview preparation fare very poorly. Solid job applicants were submitting resume after resume after resume and getting no response, not even a rejection letter. Clients in a few professional areas did fine with resume submissions (for example, nursing); however the vast majority of professionals were failing to get interviews, were wondering what was wrong with them, and some of them gave up hope and lapsed into depression.
Now, the topic of professional networking is too big to cover in one blog posting. However, I thought I would describe how to ask for and conduct an informational interview, which is the networking tool that has yielded the best results for my clients.
An informational interview (sometimes called an exploratory interview) is a brief meeting that you use as part of a research project before you are ready to apply for a specific job or academic program. Let me describe the process in more detail, and the purpose of these meetings will become clearer.
Using email or phone, this is how you request an informational interview:
Hi, my name is Gerry Fisher, and I work as a life & career coach. I specialize in emotion management and mindfulness techniques.
I'm contacting you (an acupuncturist), because we may share a common clientele who are looking for non-western-medical ways to improve their health and lives. I'd like to learn about your practice and see if there are any opportunities for mutual referrals.
I know you're probably very busy, and I won't take much of your time. May I buy you coffee so we can chat about this for 20 minutes? Let me know if this is something that works for you.
Very best wishes in your practice, [signature]
It's really important to emphasize that this is a business-casual chat between colleagues over coffee. Don't make it feel like a disguised attempt to get your resume to the top of some hiring manager's pile, because that will feel too much like a bait and switch maneuver. On the one hand, consider not even attaching your resume to the introductory note; as an alternative, you can add a line to the email that says something such as, "If you think that skimming my resume before our meeting would be helpful, I'd be happy to forward a copy to you." Bring a few copies of your resume to the informational interview, place them visibly on the table, and wait to be asked for a copy. Bring a notebook so that you can record any good advice that you're given.
Here is a list of goals for an informational interview:
A great general question to ask would be: "If you were me, how would you recommend I proceed with my job search?" Or, "What skill or credential would I need to be a perfect candidate for your organization at some point in the future?"
Finally, don't let rejection get you down. It's common to get no responses to a handful of these requests; remember that this all gets easier once you've gotten one or two people who respond positively. Eventually, you'll encounter one great networker who gives you tons of guidance and a few great connections, and you don't know if you'll run into this person at the beginning of your search, in the middle, or after a few months. Hang in there! It's coming!
As one last word, here is an email request that I just got that is an example of a horrible request for an informational interview. I'm too busy to assist a person who can't show more respect for my time and who can't be clearer about what she wants from our meeting. Here's the "bad" example:
Hello my name is [removed],
I'm interested in becoming a life coach in Baltimore City, can you please contact me at [phone number removed] for more information.
Thank you, [no signature]
I've granted informational interviews to people who ask for what they want directly, indicate that they'll be brief, and make it easy for me to say yes. This request was so "tossed off" and vague so as to be not worth my time.
During the recession, I noticed clients with excellent skills and experience, solid work ethic, modern resumes using the right keywords, and great interview preparation fare very poorly. Solid job applicants were submitting resume after resume after resume and getting no response, not even a rejection letter. Clients in a few professional areas did fine with resume submissions (for example, nursing); however the vast majority of professionals were failing to get interviews, were wondering what was wrong with them, and some of them gave up hope and lapsed into depression.
Now, the topic of professional networking is too big to cover in one blog posting. However, I thought I would describe how to ask for and conduct an informational interview, which is the networking tool that has yielded the best results for my clients.
An informational interview (sometimes called an exploratory interview) is a brief meeting that you use as part of a research project before you are ready to apply for a specific job or academic program. Let me describe the process in more detail, and the purpose of these meetings will become clearer.
Using email or phone, this is how you request an informational interview:
- Introduce yourself (name, professional title).
- Give two sentences that describe your work; focus on what you have in common with the person you are contacting.
- Express respect for the person's time; I recommend requesting 20 minutes, which is the time it takes to go on a coffee break.
- State your goal, what you'd like to get out of this meeting (more on this later).
- Offer to buy the person coffee or lunch; the person will be giving you information and time, and the least you can do is get the tab. Suggest a location most convenient for the other person. Online interviews work very well, too; phone interviewers are generally less successful.
- At the end of the interview, ask, "Given what we've just discussed, can you think of 1 or 2 other people that I could benefit from talking to? Could you introduce me?"
- After the interview, send an email (required) and a hand-written thank you note (optional, but very, very effective).
- After the interview, stay in touch (but not in a "stalking" way); check in after a few months, forward a professional article, invite the person to a networking event, or stay in touch using Linked In.
Hi, my name is Gerry Fisher, and I work as a life & career coach. I specialize in emotion management and mindfulness techniques.
I'm contacting you (an acupuncturist), because we may share a common clientele who are looking for non-western-medical ways to improve their health and lives. I'd like to learn about your practice and see if there are any opportunities for mutual referrals.
I know you're probably very busy, and I won't take much of your time. May I buy you coffee so we can chat about this for 20 minutes? Let me know if this is something that works for you.
Very best wishes in your practice, [signature]
It's really important to emphasize that this is a business-casual chat between colleagues over coffee. Don't make it feel like a disguised attempt to get your resume to the top of some hiring manager's pile, because that will feel too much like a bait and switch maneuver. On the one hand, consider not even attaching your resume to the introductory note; as an alternative, you can add a line to the email that says something such as, "If you think that skimming my resume before our meeting would be helpful, I'd be happy to forward a copy to you." Bring a few copies of your resume to the informational interview, place them visibly on the table, and wait to be asked for a copy. Bring a notebook so that you can record any good advice that you're given.
Here is a list of goals for an informational interview:
- Learning more about the person's company or organization.
- Wanting to follow in that person's professional path and asking for some mentoring about how to get started.
- Expressing respect for the person's professional knowledge and a desire to get that person's opinion about the professional landscape: what's hot, what's not, who's hiring, which certification or skill is becoming important, and tips for advancing within this particular career. (For example, a publishing/editor client of mine was recently given the advice that publishing in Baltimore tends to involve more periodicals and less book publishing. This advice helped my client to adjust his job search and his expectations.)
- General job-searching advice.
A great general question to ask would be: "If you were me, how would you recommend I proceed with my job search?" Or, "What skill or credential would I need to be a perfect candidate for your organization at some point in the future?"
Finally, don't let rejection get you down. It's common to get no responses to a handful of these requests; remember that this all gets easier once you've gotten one or two people who respond positively. Eventually, you'll encounter one great networker who gives you tons of guidance and a few great connections, and you don't know if you'll run into this person at the beginning of your search, in the middle, or after a few months. Hang in there! It's coming!
As one last word, here is an email request that I just got that is an example of a horrible request for an informational interview. I'm too busy to assist a person who can't show more respect for my time and who can't be clearer about what she wants from our meeting. Here's the "bad" example:
Hello my name is [removed],
I'm interested in becoming a life coach in Baltimore City, can you please contact me at [phone number removed] for more information.
Thank you, [no signature]
I've granted informational interviews to people who ask for what they want directly, indicate that they'll be brief, and make it easy for me to say yes. This request was so "tossed off" and vague so as to be not worth my time.
Friday, May 16, 2014
My personal-growth project: working out and losing weight
I haven't been writing as actively in this blog as I was last fall. In part, this is due to two personal projects that have eaten up considerable time and energy. One project is a book that I'm writing about how to break a bad habit and create a healthier one. The other is a "reduce my belly" project.
I'd been meaning to describe my weight-loss efforts here, and I finally found the time to write the initial postings about it.
It all began last winter when my husband gave me some new pants for the holidays. However, he FOOLISHLY chose to get pants with my actual waist size and not ones that featured a stretch waist. I mean, what was he thinking?! One pair was too uncomfortably tight to wear, and the other wouldn't button around me at all.
I decided that there was no way in hell that I was going up a waist size, so instead I embarked on a project to reduce my belly. The short-term goal was to be able to fit into my new pants. The long-term goals were to maintain good health (I have high cholesterol), to have a stronger core and more athletic waist line, and, as a super low priority, to add as much muscle as is possible for a man nearing his mid-fifties.
I'm using three main approaches in my efforts: gym workouts three-to-five times a week that emphasize at least 45 minutes of cardio on an elliptical machine (with some bike), using a modification of the nutrition techniques from Intuitive Eating, by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch, and weaving mindfulness techniques into my cardio workouts. Mindfulness and Intuitive Eating are tools that I've used many times to help my life & career coaching clients, so I thought it would be interesting to document their use in this specific project. Because I had back surgery for a herniated disc back in 2007, I'm starting off with the elliptical and working my way slowly into treadmill and other running, paying attention to what my back will tolerate.
I'll blog in more detail later about each of these techniques, and I'll keep you posted on my progress, pitfalls, challenges, and more as I embark on this years-long project.
As for my initial status report, it's been three-and-a-half months so far, I've lost 10 lbs, and I've completed my short-term goal: I now fit into both new pairs of pants that David bought me. However, as people who've succeeded at short-term weight loss know, anyone can lose some weight in a few months. The real key to success is making the gym workouts and the Intuitive Eating approaches new, long-term habits.
Stay tuned!
I'd been meaning to describe my weight-loss efforts here, and I finally found the time to write the initial postings about it.
It all began last winter when my husband gave me some new pants for the holidays. However, he FOOLISHLY chose to get pants with my actual waist size and not ones that featured a stretch waist. I mean, what was he thinking?! One pair was too uncomfortably tight to wear, and the other wouldn't button around me at all.
I decided that there was no way in hell that I was going up a waist size, so instead I embarked on a project to reduce my belly. The short-term goal was to be able to fit into my new pants. The long-term goals were to maintain good health (I have high cholesterol), to have a stronger core and more athletic waist line, and, as a super low priority, to add as much muscle as is possible for a man nearing his mid-fifties.
I'm using three main approaches in my efforts: gym workouts three-to-five times a week that emphasize at least 45 minutes of cardio on an elliptical machine (with some bike), using a modification of the nutrition techniques from Intuitive Eating, by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch, and weaving mindfulness techniques into my cardio workouts. Mindfulness and Intuitive Eating are tools that I've used many times to help my life & career coaching clients, so I thought it would be interesting to document their use in this specific project. Because I had back surgery for a herniated disc back in 2007, I'm starting off with the elliptical and working my way slowly into treadmill and other running, paying attention to what my back will tolerate.
I'll blog in more detail later about each of these techniques, and I'll keep you posted on my progress, pitfalls, challenges, and more as I embark on this years-long project.
As for my initial status report, it's been three-and-a-half months so far, I've lost 10 lbs, and I've completed my short-term goal: I now fit into both new pairs of pants that David bought me. However, as people who've succeeded at short-term weight loss know, anyone can lose some weight in a few months. The real key to success is making the gym workouts and the Intuitive Eating approaches new, long-term habits.
Stay tuned!
Saturday, March 29, 2014
Want to feel better? Slow down
In the past month, I found myself thinking faster, adding items to my mental to-do list much faster, and acting faster. Go, go, go! Never enough time to get everything done! Rush through doing one thing as a way to get to the next important thing on the list, and get VERY irritated if something slows me down.
Using my mindfulness skills, I was able to pull back and notice how unpleasant it felt to be so speedy. Then, I made a very conscious effort to slow down, do one thing at a time, focus on only that task, and transition to a new activity at a reasonable pace—I'll get there when I get there—instead of rushing.
It worked. My mood improved very, very quickly. I also made fewer mistakes, and my interactions with other people were smoother and more pleasant.
Of course, "feeling good and loving life" is complex; it will take many blog postings for me to share tips and techniques that can help you to make big progress. However, if you can do only ONE thing to feel better and to make your life go much better, I would suggest slowing down.
Slowing down doesn't mean that you have to move slowly. It means focusing on one thing at a time, keeping thoughts of other activities out of your awareness and connecting totally with only what you are doing in the moment. It means moving at an effective speed, the speed that will best get the job done. It doesn't mean sitting on your hands or being a slow poke; it means walking instead of running. It means accepting that you can't do more than one item on your to-do list at a time; it means getting your to-do list out of your head so that it doesn't feel so heavy and overwhelming—write down your to-do list as a way to clear it from your mind!
So, try slowing down. Notice how it feels and how well it works.
Using my mindfulness skills, I was able to pull back and notice how unpleasant it felt to be so speedy. Then, I made a very conscious effort to slow down, do one thing at a time, focus on only that task, and transition to a new activity at a reasonable pace—I'll get there when I get there—instead of rushing.
It worked. My mood improved very, very quickly. I also made fewer mistakes, and my interactions with other people were smoother and more pleasant.
Of course, "feeling good and loving life" is complex; it will take many blog postings for me to share tips and techniques that can help you to make big progress. However, if you can do only ONE thing to feel better and to make your life go much better, I would suggest slowing down.
Slowing down doesn't mean that you have to move slowly. It means focusing on one thing at a time, keeping thoughts of other activities out of your awareness and connecting totally with only what you are doing in the moment. It means moving at an effective speed, the speed that will best get the job done. It doesn't mean sitting on your hands or being a slow poke; it means walking instead of running. It means accepting that you can't do more than one item on your to-do list at a time; it means getting your to-do list out of your head so that it doesn't feel so heavy and overwhelming—write down your to-do list as a way to clear it from your mind!
So, try slowing down. Notice how it feels and how well it works.
Friday, March 21, 2014
Thoughts have no power
That's what I said. Thoughts have NO power.
Thoughts have power only if you BELIEVE them. When you believe a thought—idea, concept, notion, what others say about you—it can be hard to see life clearly, and it can lead to bad decisions and ineffective action. Also, the more you dwell on a thought, the more likely you are to start believing it.
Let me use a silly example to demonstrate my point. Right now I'm thinking, "I can fly like Superman."
Just because I think that doesn't make it true, right? Now, let's say that I'm unfortunate enough to belief that I can fly like Superman. I might see lots of "evidence" around me that convinces me that I'm right. (Strong beliefs can filter what you see, hear, and think, so the only information that gets in strengthens what you already believe. People who believed that the earth was flat somehow found lots of evidence of flatness.) Let's say that I decide to take action based on the belief that I can fly, and I jump off a tall building in a single bound. In that case, you wouldn't be reading any more blog entries from me.
The "flying like Superman" example is silly. Before I go, let me share types of thoughts that bother some of my clients, thoughts that should be dismissed and laughed at as much as "I can fly like Superman":
Thoughts have power only if you BELIEVE them. When you believe a thought—idea, concept, notion, what others say about you—it can be hard to see life clearly, and it can lead to bad decisions and ineffective action. Also, the more you dwell on a thought, the more likely you are to start believing it.
Let me use a silly example to demonstrate my point. Right now I'm thinking, "I can fly like Superman."
Just because I think that doesn't make it true, right? Now, let's say that I'm unfortunate enough to belief that I can fly like Superman. I might see lots of "evidence" around me that convinces me that I'm right. (Strong beliefs can filter what you see, hear, and think, so the only information that gets in strengthens what you already believe. People who believed that the earth was flat somehow found lots of evidence of flatness.) Let's say that I decide to take action based on the belief that I can fly, and I jump off a tall building in a single bound. In that case, you wouldn't be reading any more blog entries from me.
The "flying like Superman" example is silly. Before I go, let me share types of thoughts that bother some of my clients, thoughts that should be dismissed and laughed at as much as "I can fly like Superman":
- I'm stupid
- I'll look stupid
- People think I'm stupid
- Nobody loves me
- I'm fat
- I'm ugly
- I can't do that
- I'm a loser
- My father/mother should have loved me more
- I'm broken
- I'll never find love
- That's easier said than done
- I might never reach my potential
- What's the use
- Things will never get better
- What's the use?
- I hate him/her
Sunday, December 29, 2013
Live life as if you're playing putt-putt
When I work with my Life & Career Coaching clients, I quote movies fairly often. Undeniably the film I quote most often is Bull Durham. In one of my favorite scenes Annie Savoy (Susan Sarandon) gives Crash Davis (Kevin Costner) tips in the batting cage to help him through a slump. She says to him that hitting a baseball is like making love: you just have to RELAX and CONCENTRATE.
Not one or the other, but both at the same time. In a humorous and direct way, Annie described what athletes often call being in THE ZONE. However, it's not just for athletes. I help clients to get into a zone so that they can access peak performance, enabling them to do things well, whether it be accounting, housecleaning, dating, negotiating with a spouse, saving money, completing a resume, interviewing for a job...whatever!
To help yourself enter a relaxed and concentrating mindset, consider the game of miniature golf, or putt-putt. To set the stage, remember that no one in their right mind (ahem!) takes putt-putt too seriously; everyone knows that the main point is to have fun. For example, my favorite putt-putt experience was near St. Petersburg, Florida, where you can use a fishing pole to feed chewy dog-food squares to alligators in between holes.
Now, remember that the idea is to relax AND concentrate at the same time. We could just relax and whack the ball around and not care. However, it's more fun if we concentrate enough to try to get the ball into the hole. If it took you six strokes to get the ball into one hole, then it's fun to see if you can succeed in five strokes next time. If the ball doesn't go up an incline, that's good information! Next time, you stroke the ball slightly harder until you figure out how to get the ball over the rise. If the ball goes left, aim slightly more to the right next time. If the ball shoots past the hole, tap it more softly next time.
Relax! We're having FUN, here! No big deal. Every time something doesn't go well, learn and adjust so that you do it better the next time.
I do realize that there are some people who choose to take putt-putt too seriously, and we all know how annoying THAT can be. Let's take this thought further and imagine people reacting to putt-putt in the same way they react to other parts of life; imagine how silly, unproductive, and annoying it would be:
So, get into that putt-putt frame of mind when you'd like to perform well. Keep "having fun" front and center, relax AND concentrate, and mistakes and failures are information you need for your next big success.
Not one or the other, but both at the same time. In a humorous and direct way, Annie described what athletes often call being in THE ZONE. However, it's not just for athletes. I help clients to get into a zone so that they can access peak performance, enabling them to do things well, whether it be accounting, housecleaning, dating, negotiating with a spouse, saving money, completing a resume, interviewing for a job...whatever!
To help yourself enter a relaxed and concentrating mindset, consider the game of miniature golf, or putt-putt. To set the stage, remember that no one in their right mind (ahem!) takes putt-putt too seriously; everyone knows that the main point is to have fun. For example, my favorite putt-putt experience was near St. Petersburg, Florida, where you can use a fishing pole to feed chewy dog-food squares to alligators in between holes.
Now, remember that the idea is to relax AND concentrate at the same time. We could just relax and whack the ball around and not care. However, it's more fun if we concentrate enough to try to get the ball into the hole. If it took you six strokes to get the ball into one hole, then it's fun to see if you can succeed in five strokes next time. If the ball doesn't go up an incline, that's good information! Next time, you stroke the ball slightly harder until you figure out how to get the ball over the rise. If the ball goes left, aim slightly more to the right next time. If the ball shoots past the hole, tap it more softly next time.
Relax! We're having FUN, here! No big deal. Every time something doesn't go well, learn and adjust so that you do it better the next time.
I do realize that there are some people who choose to take putt-putt too seriously, and we all know how annoying THAT can be. Let's take this thought further and imagine people reacting to putt-putt in the same way they react to other parts of life; imagine how silly, unproductive, and annoying it would be:
- I can't believe I missed that shot. I'm so STUPID!
- I haven't been able to finish a hole under par; he'll never want to go out on a date with me.
- I screwed up again. This kind of crap ALWAYS happens to me.
- I missed again. This is such a DISASTER!
- I shot over par on every hole. This is hopeless...what's the use. I might as well give up.
- It's "do or die" time...I HAVE to nail this shot!
So, get into that putt-putt frame of mind when you'd like to perform well. Keep "having fun" front and center, relax AND concentrate, and mistakes and failures are information you need for your next big success.
Saturday, December 28, 2013
LinkedIn: Skim the job titles
After having undergone some training and having engaged in some conversations with knowledgeable people, I'm changing how I use LinkedIn. LinkedIn is a great professional networking and social media tool on the Internet.
I used to try to connect with everyone I know or have known. Of course, when you're just beginning to build your professional network, it's great strategy to start with who you already know and with former coworkers. However, it can quickly grow limiting. For example, given that I'd lived in Boston for 30 years and that I now live in Baltimore, my connections became heavily slanted toward friendships, people in my former field of technical writing, and people who lived very far away from me. This is not particularly useful to me at this point in my professional life as a Life & Career Coach.
Now, I'm trying to be more strategic with my networking, and I'm trying to build up my Baltimore connections. One technique that I'm using is to seek out mutual connections between people with whom I'm already connected and those in the Health & Wellness field. The idea is that fellow professionals in that field might be able to do business together by cross referring.
Here's another simple adjustment that made a world of difference. When LinkedIn gives you a list of people with whom you might like to connect, don't skim the names for people you know. Instead, skim their JOB TITLES to see if a connection would be mutually beneficial on a professional level.
Finally, when you do request a connection, click the "pencil and paper" icon to send a personalized message. I recommend mentioning how you're connected, how you might help each other professionally, or that you're simply interested in learning more about what she or he does. A personalized message that highlights the reason for the connection will get better results than the default message, which is impersonal and gives no context for the connection.
I used to try to connect with everyone I know or have known. Of course, when you're just beginning to build your professional network, it's great strategy to start with who you already know and with former coworkers. However, it can quickly grow limiting. For example, given that I'd lived in Boston for 30 years and that I now live in Baltimore, my connections became heavily slanted toward friendships, people in my former field of technical writing, and people who lived very far away from me. This is not particularly useful to me at this point in my professional life as a Life & Career Coach.
Now, I'm trying to be more strategic with my networking, and I'm trying to build up my Baltimore connections. One technique that I'm using is to seek out mutual connections between people with whom I'm already connected and those in the Health & Wellness field. The idea is that fellow professionals in that field might be able to do business together by cross referring.
Here's another simple adjustment that made a world of difference. When LinkedIn gives you a list of people with whom you might like to connect, don't skim the names for people you know. Instead, skim their JOB TITLES to see if a connection would be mutually beneficial on a professional level.
Finally, when you do request a connection, click the "pencil and paper" icon to send a personalized message. I recommend mentioning how you're connected, how you might help each other professionally, or that you're simply interested in learning more about what she or he does. A personalized message that highlights the reason for the connection will get better results than the default message, which is impersonal and gives no context for the connection.
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