"Should" versus Reality: a commuter's story

I was driving to work the other day, and I almost hit a car. Nothing serious, mind you. A near fender-bender. However what was noteworthy was my thinking process as it was happening.

What I'm about to describe all occurred within 4 or 5 seconds. However, I'll write it out in detail so that you can make sense out of what was running rapidly through my mind at the time.

In a sluggish line of traffic, I signaled for an upcoming right turn. Just before I reached the intersection, the traffic slowed even further, not quite leaving me with enough space to complete my turn.

I thought, If the traffic would ..j..u..s..t.. move a little bit faster I could make it. 

When it felt as if I'd waited long enough, I began to make the turn, but I was on target for hitting the right corner of the car in front of me.

It should be OK! That car will nudge ahead very soon...I'll clear it.

I saw that we were going to collide. 

No, it's NOT OK! I pressed my brake briefly, then thinking, That'll do it...I'll clear the car now.

I saw that we were STILL going to collide.

I pressed the brake again briefly, thinking, Well, it's GOTTA be OK now!  

It wasn't. I saw that we were still WAY too close.

It'll be fine. 

I kept my foot off the break and let the car complete the turn, missing the collision by inches.

Whoooooaaaaa!

Despite being aware the whole time of how foolish I was being, the near miss still surprised me and made me wonder how I almost just got into an accident. Well, I KNOW how it happened.

How I should have been able to make the turn was more important to me than whether I'd actually be able to make the turn.   

Should trumped is.

On this particular morning, I was not playing nicely with the world, and I was fortunate to have gotten out of the situation without incurring any damage. Had I been using my mindfulness skills to get out of my head, I would have had an easier, safer time of things.